AquaticSun

Not sure what to call this, not sure where to start, not sure what to say. I'm going to try typing some thoughts out since it's more than sitting here looking at a blank screen for hours.

As you all can tell i've let most of my accounts rot over the past few months which is really unfair to those who have enjoyed my work and who ever is left following. I haven't lost any passion for art, and school hasn't taken up so much time that I can't still provide art. If anything I need to put more time towards school...

I've hit such a hard low if that makes any sense. I dont like what i've made and life has left me feeling isolated enough to let those thoughts fester. I still love making art but my willpower to do so has been a bit drained. Selling my art at cons has only felt like a chore in which I fall short on every time... as for every major project I have has been given up on because it never felt like what I was doing mattered

My irl life has only been going down, after awhile everyone I met while being here stopped being around. They each moved on to do their own things while I fell down and became stagnant. Figured after moving i'd feel a little better, but nothing. Now im failing at what I came here to do, being the same old mess. I really want to stop this domino effect and if any one can provide some insight on how it would be a blessing.

Granted there's not much context im giving, but my intention is not to gather sympathy but at least send something out there about how things have been. I know close friends and some family will stumble across this and be surprised a little... sorry for not being so open.

For now i'll release old art I have kinda finished, at this point I don't care for it. You all might like it at least, so it's only fair I send it out there. Some of it is very old.

Thank you to those who read this and took the time for something that, unlike my other journals isn't too motivational... It's hard being positive with how things have been. I'm hoping my next update or whatever I plan to do will be a brighter outlook than this. 

through and through, I hope you all have been taking care of yourselves. Talk to you soon.

I guess this is an announcement that i'll be continuing things on here sometime soon, hopefully next week. If the title of this is anything to go by i'll be slammed with finals all this week, so if all goes well I can post on here again during break.

I have quite a bit of fan artwork that I haven't gotten around to sharing. I'll post one or two in the meantime, but i'd like to upload them all with a proper update journal soon. Let me just get through this rough week so I can properly get my thoughts sorted out on what on want to share with you all. There's a lot of heavy stuff I want to talk about as well as the possibility of a Patreon or something.

Not sure yet... i'll need to get by this week first

In the meantime to the few of you that may still be out there reading this, thanks for sticking around~ 
(to anyone with a commission owed, I finished most of them, i'll be sure to send them out next week)

Many blessings, stay beautiful everyone

I guess this is an announcement that i'll be continuing things on here sometime soon, hopefully next week. If the title of this is anything to go by i'll be slammed with finals all this week, so if all goes well I can post on here again during break.

I have quite a bit of fan artwork that I haven't gotten around to sharing. I'll post one or two in the meantime, but i'd like to upload them all with a proper update journal soon. Let me just get through this rough week so I can properly get my thoughts sorted out on what on want to share with you all. There's a lot of heavy stuff I want to talk about as well as the possibility of a Patreon or something.

Not sure yet... i'll need to get by this week first

In the meantime to the few of you that may still be out there reading this, thanks for sticking around~ 
(to anyone with a commission owed, I finished most of them, i'll be sure to send them out next week)

Many blessings, stay beautiful everyone

My birthday came at a bad time this year, where I had finals within the same week. Unfortunately I got sick only a few days after I finished that week up.(for about  days or so)

I really wanted to say thank you though! I came online here and found all the birthday gifts and wishes really sweet to say the least

I really wanted do a shoutout to some artists/friends, who made some really sweet gifts that I am beyond grateful for~

First off is who did a trade with another friend of mine who instead of asking for something for himself from Girlsay wanted him to make me and marefriend of mine something instead. (which was super sweet of him, and quite the surprise!) I guess this pic shows off an OC I have but never really use and being the pharah and Overwatch addict that I am the atiire only makes sense. 



my pal is a really passionate artist friend of mine(which shows through a lot in his work) of course we also joke and game together too. That aside It was so nice of him to make me such a detailed cloudchaser, she is one of the best ponies afterall but even so. I already owe the guy so much and he pulls this one out of his artist pocket for me XD He's such a giving and nice dude, really. Swing by his gallery and I know you wont be dissapointed!



is an amazing irl friend of mine who has been doing this series with ponies in sweaters. To my surprise one night he just started making a cloudchaser one in stream for me haha. At this point she might as well be my OC. Especially if she's an Oreo addict like myself.... More importantly he's a down to earth guy that i've been lucky to have as a friend. ^^




has been a really nice dude as well. and wanted to deliver some fanservice for my birthday. Another surprise that was really considerate of him to make for me~ 



There are a few others that haven't been posted on Deviantart, but if they do i'll be sure to show those off as well. Thank you guys so much for the birthday wishes, and thank you to these fine artists for taking time away to make things like this for someone like myself. I'm beyond flattered.

I can't say if the title is the best way to describe how I feel, but then again in most cases it's hard to really sum that up with something like a title. As of late though I haven't been focusing as much as i've been needing to. It doesn't help with how scatterbrained I can be and allowing things to escape my train of thought.

I kept making lists, only to never complete them as planned, or get sidetracked by something else....
It's also gotten to the point that i've felt too scared to approach projects or tasks, since i've failed so many already. I feel like what I make looks either poor in quality,or letting people down with how I couldn't deliver all that much.

There's so many insecurities im fighting with lately. While I recognize this for some reason its not all that easy for me to remedy. It's even taken me awhile to figure out if I should even be putting this in a journal or not, since I often like using these as a means of expressing more positive thoughts and views.

Then I guess it hit me, like most things why is there a reason not to be positive? all pain is temporary in a sense. With that in mind though the worst pain of all would be quitting on everything. Giving up and not knowing what an accomplished dream feels like. Whether it be a career,relationship,experiencing new things,etc. I don't think im old enough to say that I have any sort of wisdom on the matter, but what I can say is i've seen enough to know what quitting looks like. It's not a pretty sight... 

Certainly it's not something i'd wish upon anyone, but there are many who are content with sitting around letting time pass. Sadly for a short period I felt like one of those people, and i'll admit that. However, I guess after letting a few days go by I looked around me and realized that I haven't really done much with myself.(at least like I have wanted to) I began to think about why I moved, who I wanted to be, and were I wanted to go from here. I guess in the process of taking on so much I forgot my own ambitions ironically. 

I can say that sense of purpose is renewed thanks to a few really close people and a fair amount of close calls. I've been lucky to say the least... I wont call out any names but they know who they are and I thank them immensely. 

I guess I wanted to write this out not just as some sort of update but a message that people can take something from, especially those who might have given up on what they want to pursue. I mean a pal of mine is in his early 40's is still pursuing his artistic dream... all after a rough period he had (that lasted a few years). Goes to show it's never too late to try and change who you are to better your own life. Hopefully, I can do this successfully as well. 

Until then i'll do my best to catch up with affairs on here as much as I can from now on. I'm sorry for being so neglectful and leaving some things to rot... 

Thank you to those have stuck around even after my fluctuating inactivity it means the world